by devnym

It is probably the most popular alcoholic drink drunk around the world today. A pretty heady statistic for a beverage that some claim started from a Polish peasant’s rotting potato peelings. Trot that out in Tenjune and see the reaction. It might not be single malt yet, but it is certainly now a member of the Aristocracy.

Your boss may be a glorified boob, your lover non-committal, and your neighbors totally unruly. The cabbie took the long way despite your fervent requests, and you just realized you are indeed wearing navy socks, not black. You’re stuck behind a garbage truck and the meter is still running. It’s only Monday morning and you are already counting down to happy hour. When that blessed time finally comes, what will you be drinking when you curl up to the bar?

Vodka companies have been observing the subtle ways that make you uniquely you, discovering just what makes you tick, enabling every Dick and Nancy to clock out on his or her own terms. Over the past decade, the ingenuity of vodka branding has successfully captured the attention and palates of global consumers, offering up the keys to a vodka world of limitless possibilities. By handing you the reigns of choice to dictate just how you want your vodka, from conception to delivery, they grant you a purely authentic drinking experience reminiscent of the “Choose Your own Adventure” children’s books. While the scenery of your life may prove unpredictable, vodka keeps in stride, adapting kaleidoscopically to anticipate your every desire. Straight up now tell me, where else can you say “you’re not the boss of me” and sip it back a hundred different ways? You’re calling the shots on this adventure and vodka is riding shotgun.

“The snozberries taste like snozberries!”
Vodka companies have taken a journey to (literally) intoxicating heights, and with pure imagination brought a flavor-crazed Willy Wonka world to fruition. Vodka, being characteristically odorless and colorless, allows creative freedoms that other spirits can’t. Its neutral quality lends itself to the role of muse perfectly, ready to pose for a mixologist’s masterpiece. While other liquors wait on the shelves for their chance to get inside you, vodka brands are devising ways to be more than just a one-night stand. And while some vodkas pair nicely with the walk of shame, some are definitely worthy of a second date. Check out who’s lining up at the bar…

Pure and Simple
For the vodka aficionado. Praise the drink for being transparently honest. Nothing better than a chilled martini. Or on the rocks (shaken, not stirred?). No contaminants. Appreciate the origins.

Appealing to those health-minded individuals who value natural living and a whole body experience (but who still want to get drunk), Skyy introduced all-natural, real fruit-infused vodka. Healthy always seems to be instyle. On that note, namaste.

There is one kind oOn the backside of Natural, there’s the guy attending yoga strictly for the appreciation of spandex. It’s no crime to indulge a little. If you are that guy, Black Rock Spirits cooked up some ‘Bakon Vodka’ to go with your eggs. The website has a great recipe for a Bakon Mary.

If you’ve had to forgo rocking out at the club in order to maintain a rockin’ bod, Devotion Spirits has your back, bro. Devotion arrived on the scene in November to rescue both your biceps and your social life. Now you can get back to your drink while you practice your fist pump, without the sabotage. Before running out to the nearest Jersey liquor store (yes, this is a Jersey thing), you should note that with only 20 grams of protein for every 750 ml bottle, you’ll need an exorbitant amount of alcohol to meet your protein requirements. Attention: the midnight train to douchebag-land leaves in five.

Some strip down for a good cause. Others plant trees. With its ‘No Label’ campaign, Absolut Vodka was one of the first brands to get totally naked and reveal what’s underneath it all. The label-less bottle suggests that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and aims to raise awareness of the prejudice against sexual minorities. By challenging the labels, they hope to “make the world more diverse, vibrant, and respectful,” one bottle at a time. In a world of no labels, we are free to define ourselves.

Under the Influence
As far as vodka is concerned, whether you’re a Charlie Bucket or Veruca Salt, somewhere behind every bar there’s a golden ticket just for you. Now that we’ve been acquainted and find ourselves intoxicated on snozberry infusions, naked and ready to plant a tree, we have to wonder, ‘what’s next, vodka?’

I guess the trick to staying relevant is to continually find new ways to matter. Vodka went from infusing tangerines to infusing our value systems into what we drink. Brands found the ultimate way to ensure that vodka can mean more than just a means to a one-night stand. They’re giving consumers the benefit of the doubt that we indeed have substance, infusing our values into vodka, not the other way around.

And there you have it. The next time you’re in a hotel restaurant by the fjords of Norway, eating that waffle or those scrambled eggs and thinking ‘God bless America’, just remember that China, Egypt, Greece and Rome all got there first. Take it or leave it, vodka is simply offering you a new infusion: a chance to change the world one bottle at a time.


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