Written by Ava Branch
Some conversations really don’t feel like interviews. They meander and stretch open into something much richer—revealing not only insights into someone’s work, but the vulnerability and chaos of simply just existing, of being alive. That’s what happened when actor Brett Gelman and his wife, model and singer-songwriter, Ari Dayan, sat down to talk to us about identity, love, and their new podcast, Neurotica. What followed was less of a promotional pitch and more of a deeply human exchange—a revealing journey through their creative collaboration, worldview, and of course, their relationship.
“We are neurotic,” Ari says early in the conversation. “We are. And we’re also sexy, so… yeah. That you know for sure. And then talking to us for 30 seconds—”
“You know, we’re neurotic,” Brett finishes.
Their ease with each other is made incredibly apparent. They are both full of warmth, banter, and the (not-so) occasional brutal honesty. That dynamic is the heart and soul of Neurotica, a podcast born—somewhat accidentally—when Brett was working on a solo show.
“He was going to do his own podcast and he had started working on it,” Ari explains, “and I was just about to leave the house to go to a recording session, and he had his all set up downstairs. The producers were there and asked if I had like ten minutes before I left to just join them, just to riff a little bit and talk on the podcast. Ten minutes turned into longer.”
“Yeah, we riffed for like an hour and a half,” Brett adds.
The spontaneity stuck. “We were having so much fun,” Ari recalls. “I mean this, just not to speak in general. We have a lot of fun together.” That chemistry—and their deeply candid approach—shaped the podcast’s tone from the start. “For the first episode,” Ari says, “some people were saying like, it’s amazing you guys are still married. After listening to that first podcast we thought, did we say anything weird? I guess we communicate in such a different way than most people.”
As Ari puts it, Neurotica is driven by “the subjects that we’re able to talk about with love, even if we’re poking at each other.” She considers the podcast a labor of love, focusing on “the subjects that we have healed from already.” Brett describes it simply: “You see a side of us that you wouldn’t see by just listening to her music or watching my acting, you know.”
Watching Gelman act in anything you’ve seen him in, well, he just makes it better. He most recently took a serious turn in the drama McVeigh, a film about the former U.S. Army veteran Timothy McVeigh who planned and executed the 1995 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Gelman played Terry Nichols, McVeigh’s accomplice, showing a chillingly different side of the actor who is already known for his dark comedic sensibility. Of course, most will recognize him from his role as the conspiracy theorist and former journalist, Murray Bauman, in the Netflix mega-hit Stranger Things, where he became a fan favorite and was promoted to the main cast in Season 4. The final installments of Season 5 are back in three parts starting on November 26 and culminating with the series finale episode on New Year’s Eve.
With a turn as Martin opposite Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Sian Clifford on the BBC hit show Fleabag, and with guest appearances on shows like Bored to Death, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Office, Happy Endings, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and The League, Gelman’s intensity and commitment to character makes him the perfect host for a podcast of this type. Neurotic and all.
Gelman and Dayan on their wedding day in 2024
The story of how they met mirrors the most apparent dynamics of their relationship: both modern and unfiltered. “When we tell people that we met on Raya [a private, membership-based social networking app] who are also on Raya…they can’t believe that,” Brett says.
“He was really funny. He was very, very funny,” Ari remembers. “I wasn’t even really so familiar with Brett’s work prior to dating him. He was in an open marriage at the time and we started dating while he was married.”
Brett is refreshingly open about the complexities of that time. “I had it on my profile. I interviewed, and my ex-wife was in full knowledge of everything that the other was doing. I think it was open because it was probably over, you know.”
And still, love emerged. “And then we fell in love…we thought we could make this situation work—” Brett begins.
“I could not make it work,” Ari interrupts. “So we broke up…You know, his wife and I just—I broke up with him. I said, ‘This isn’t for me.’ Later on, we got back together,” Ari says.
“We took a break after a year together…I was messed up,” Brett reflects.
“And I was too,” Ari adds.
“I think we both needed to check in with ourselves,” Brett continues. “I’m taking the time, right, to be a newly divorced person.”
“There is a 14 year age difference…” Brett says, noting another layer of public perception. “But some people will be weird, so they’ll be like, ‘how long you been together?’”
“People will immediately look at me like, ‘look at this, young gold digger’ or whatever,” Ari adds. “And then once we say seven years ago it’s like ‘oh, oh ok.’”
Love, for them, is not romanticized—it’s explored, it’s dissected, and it’s sometimes painful. “I think the nature of a relationship is complicated, especially an intimate and romantic one,” Brett says.
“It’s [relationships] a platform to do your biggest growth,” Ari explains. “I’ve been challenged just being in this close of an intimate relationship, and so much of my healing in all my years prior to Brett has been done through, you know, that vulnerability and the things that come up in an intimate relationship.”
“I don’t know that I would have dealt with my—” Ari took a pause. “I had some very deep seated childhood trauma that I wasn’t even able to address or look at until getting into a relationship with Brett,” she continues. “It was the impetus for me to get into therapy.”
“We both showed each other how we’re built as people…our most beautiful side and our ugliest,” Brett adds.
Gelman as Murray Bauman in Stranger Things season 4
For Ari, the safety of their dynamic is rare. “I have friends who are in relationships where there are topics in their relationship that are just off limits…And I’m like ‘I can literally say anything and I’m not afraid.’”
“I think that I couldn’t imagine being in a serious relationship, that you didn’t say everything,” Brett agrees.
That level of communication is both a principle and a challenge they live by. “Also have accountability towards being human and not communicating,” Brett says. “I think being direct and being ultra honest will lead you to taking accountability for your mistakes, which are inevitable and I, I strive to do that.”
“I’m certainly very flawed in my communication with many other people,” Ari admits.
Neurotica doesn’t shy away from deeper themes, including Cancel Culture and the modern digital experience. “We both always loved art that is made by authentic people who are authentic artists who yeah, at times, piss people off,” Brett says. “And that shouldn’t cancel out what they’re putting out into the world. Because then what do we have? I mean, so many artists are making things from a complicated place at best, a broken place at most.”
“You get older and you realize, like, that’s just such bullshit to throw the artist out or throw the art out with the artists,” Ari says. “Artists are very complicated.”
“Part of it is like we’re all capable of doing bad things. You know, human beings are very complicated,” she adds.
“You’re living inside your cell—your phone—and using your full time to end somebody else because you disagree with them,” Brett says.
“All those apps were just built to suck you in,” Ari adds.
“It’s crack, it’s total crack,” Brett concludes.
“Kid’s can’t even look at each other,” Ari says. “There’s such a stark divide in it within people’s politics and beliefs.”
Beyond acting, Gelman reflects on his own past with nostalgia and an added humor. “I used to rap. I used to be a part of this comedic rap duo called Cracked Out, which is what kind of got me noticed,” he says. “I actually was living out of fantasy because I love hip hop and I was like, oh, this is kind of a way for me to be a rapper…even though I was being a character and the songs were really offensive.”
And in a way, Neurotica is just another chapter in that evolution—equal parts comedy, introspection, and raw truth. It’s a space where love is both complicated and celebratory. Where two neurotic, sexy people talk it out…mics on.