When I think of a relationship, I think of all the expectations that go along with it. And that those expectations are high on the culprit-list of doomed couplings and even of those that struggle, resurface and flourish again. From both male and female perspectives, there are a plethora of expectations that exist in monogamous relationships. We expect our significant other to act a certain way, respond a certain way, dress a certain way, BE a certain way to the point where we are basically dating a figment of our own imagination. It’s ironic how we as a race are so hooked on eternally searching for love that when it strolls along and finds us, we demand to control it and twist it to make it become what we think it should be. But the “should”, you see, doesn’t exist… and never did. That was programmed into us since we were children; when our relatives bought us our first Barbie and Ken dolls, with a miniature wedding dress and tuxedo to follow.
Marriage isn’t for all, but the female part of the population is brainwashed into believing that this is what happens when a man really loves you; if he doesn’t propose, it’s not real love; he can’t be the one. However, as in all interaction between the sexes, it’s complicated. Not everything is as black and white. In fact there is no black and white, only a seemingly infinite number of shades of grey. Men aren’t all the same, not all good, or bad. And women certainly aren’t all the same. We are all individuals with different backgrounds, families, dreams, goals, personal traits. In a relationship, I feel that sometimes we forget that it is made up of two separate people, two separate entities that function independently of one another and that by being together, you essentially have to know how to be by yourself and be one whole person while sharing your life with another whole person. It’s tricky however, expecting for your significant other to be your only source of happiness and fulfillment; it is just unfair and in a way, illogical. Expecting for your significant other to want the same things as you and have the same goals as you is selfish, unrealistic and doomed to almost certain failure. Your significant other isn’t a shell of you, or your groupie; they’re your partner and expecting them to be what YOU want them to be isn’t a formula for a balanced, sharing and enduring partnership. It can sometimes hurt when you realize that you’re dating someone who won’t agree with you all the time, laugh at all your jokes, or like the same music as you do, but in the end if you were the exact same person, you’d be dating yourself and how weird would that be, huh?
So instead of expecting your partner to surprise you with roses every day after work, encourage them to be themselves and it’ll surprise you how rounded and successful that can be. I’m not saying to just settle for but I am saying that if the person you fell in love with is an honest, genuine person, has attributes you admire, and treats you well, I promise you will not have to manage your expectations. See where that love takes you.