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50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

by devnym

Enough is enough already

To the accounts that comment on every one of my posts, “Collab? DM us heart eyes emoji”, please stop. Are you a part of a pyramid scheme? Are you a robot? Is there a genuine human behind that username? I’m not sure and you give no clue as to which it is. Look, I’m happy to get the comment and the random flame emoji under my photo. Anything for a confidence boost! But please don’t try to convince me that you’re offering me an actual opportunity. We both know the drill. You’ll ask me to be a brand ambassador, and will compliment my personal style. You say that if I become a brand ambassador I’ll get free clothing. I say yes. You explain that by free clothing, you mean a discount code. I look at your site, it’s more expensive versions of clothes from Shein. I apply the discount code and it’s still twice the price of the Romwe version. I slowly ghost you and you continue to ask me to recruit other girls. I’m very thankful for the compliments but I’m not looking to be a #girlboss
– Maggie, marketing, Brooklyn

They f*** you up your mom & dad

Since when did young children and teenagers in this country become so disrespectful and downright rude. Hearing the way kids these days talk back to their parents with absolutely no regard is simply appalling. Furthermore, the way young people interact with adults today in general is fundamentally wrong. Adults should not be yelled and or cursed at by teenagers or young children, ever, no matter what the circumstances. Now, I was spanked and occasionally slapped by my parents when I was younger for various offenses, most involving talking back to my mother and fighting with my little brother. I gradually became a respectful, courteous, fully functioning adult. Don’t get the wrong idea, I do condone situational corporal punishment, such as mild spanking, when verbal scoldings just aren’t working. I don’t think abuse is ever appropriate in any facets of society, especially in terms of child rearing. But come on New York parents, take back control of your kids and their mouths, and don’t be afraid to put your hands into it if it comes to that. They’ll grow up into much better adults if you lay down the law early, if it causes the shedding of some tears.
Molly, retail, Brighton Beach

2022 Mad Men

I just put my French friends on their plane home after their very first visit to the US and one observation they made (out of literally dozens ) about life here is why we have so many mainstream broadcast TV channels devoted to adverts. It seemed to them that the programs were about the ads and any fillers in between the ads were just that.. fillers. From first thing on the morning shows to late night chat shows it is one long stream of selling selling selling. They didn’t understand that capitalism is the be all and end all of life in the US and everything has to bend the knee to the almighty dollar. Or more accurately making money. Everything has to make a the biggest profit possible or is deemed a failure.They seemed to think that life is to be enjoyed, lived in the moment under the most advantagious conditions. That all living things have a place on earth and should be allowed to share it equitably. Poor misguided fools. Where’s the big house and new car in that? They also made the point about actors playing out real situations to prove the efficacy of the products being pushed. mmmm.
– Martine, clinician, Tribeca50

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

It’s so weird interacting with lovers of loving past. I always find myself on this weird fence of am I going to be a dick to them because they really hurt my feelings and should give them a taste of their own medicine… or am I going to be nice to just be nice? Because once it’s usually done, I’m not one to really revisit, so am I boring and nice so that we can be cordial face-to-face? Seems like the right choice, but that’s so boring and meek. I like the spicy idea that they are unsure if I’m okay with them or not. I like being ambiguously sassy. But then I feel petty and childish sometimes. It’s just so weird! I don’t know what to do. It’d really just be better if they didn’t contact you months later. That would be the polite thing to do. Because, really, what are they trying to get out of being nice to you/ hitting you up again?
– Cerese, fashion, Sunset Park

Little Things Please Little Minds

I try to be a good, tolerant New Yorker. I don’t get too annoyed on the train when people bump into me, fall asleep on me, cough on me… it just comes with the territory. But there is one thing I’ve noticed more of that I think needs to stop. Over the last few months, at least twice a week some lovely person has been testing out, at full volume, every single ringtone in their cell phones. Now, if it’s a little kid doing it, I understand. Parents have to use any means necessary to keep children occupied, and sometimes letting them play with the phone is the easiest option. But adults? On a train full of sleepy commuters?
– Toby, photog, SI

Postman Pat

Is there a certain place that you always have to go to that makes your blood boil just thinking about? Well for me, that place is the post office. In my opinion, going to the post office can be compared to selling your soul to the devil. I have this reoccurring dream from which I wake up, screaming, in a cold sweat until I realize that it was only an illusion, and no, I actually am not on line at the post office. It’s not that the service is bad, I love my postal carrier and the people who work at the windows are perfectly friendly and charming. But the process of waiting on the never-ended line, the sheer aggravation that is so slow and draining needs to be improved. The trip to the post office should not be like weekly jury duty.

“Still Getting The Vapors Dear ?”

Summer’s Eve and men used to share the same mentality: “Hail to the V.” When did they abandon us? When did women suddenly become Internationally known as Public Enemy Number One? Did you know that sexual assaults have their own set of statistical analysts? That’s what we’ve been reduced to, statistcs. A collective mass of numbers on a screen instead of real people. But men love their numbers. It makes them feel logical. And women, we love our words. That makes us emotional right? “Unfit” to make rational decisions. Before legitimate medicine was invented and the ethical conduct of doctors was enforced, the quacks used to diagnose our unexplainable behavior as hysteria. Modern day men are still attempting to tackle its most deadly symptoms. Women considered to be suffering from hysteria exhibited a wide array of symptoms including sexual desire, fluid retention, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and my personal favorite “a tendency to cause trouble.” In extreme cases the woman would be forced into the asylum and under go surgical hysterectomy. Basically, the only options for women suffering from acute PMS were invasive and involuntary surgery or to be sent away until the crazy went away. Funny how history repeats itself. Because the way I see it, not much has changed.
– Hortense, dancer, East Village

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